Place the frozen banana, frozen cauliflower, vanilla protein powder, Greek yogurt, almond milk, vanilla extract, and chia seeds into a high-powered blender.
Start blending on low speed, using the tamper tool constantly to push the ingredients down toward the blades.
Add only small amounts of extra liquid (1 tablespoon at a time) if the mixture refuses to blend. The goal is minimal liquid for maximum thickness.
Blend until the mixture is completely smooth and has the consistency of soft-serve ice cream.
Spoon the thick mixture into a bowl immediately.
Arrange your desired toppings over the surface of the bowl.
Serve immediately with a spoon.
Notes
For the thickest result, ensure your banana is fully frozen and use the least amount of liquid possible.
If you do not have cauliflower, substitute with 1/4 cup of frozen zucchini or 1/4 of a small avocado for creaminess.
Use cold or frozen Greek yogurt cubes instead of liquid yogurt for an even thicker base.